Composed by Keith Carey-Smith (Pridham 1957-60) whilst still at school, for circulation amongst family and family friends. The content was therefore slightly dramatised, and ‘sanitised’ for home consumption! Minor editing and additions in 2020.
Original illustrations by Dr Eric Bird; photos by Keith.
Written in the first person.
Meals
“Ah, we’ve got hash today – that’s good”. You observe what else there is to eat ready for the mad grab after grace. One person dishes out the mince and in about half a minute the bowl is down at the end of the table and the boy there has his hand up for some ‘extra’. If this is forthcoming, you might get enough hash to cover a piece of bread. All too soon it disappears and you are left to the eternal bread, milk, and discussion.
“Blow, I’m on packing up today.”
“Pass the butter-knife please – there are no more teaspoons for my cocoa.”
“Ah, good, honey today. I’ll fill up my jar.”
Yes, we are allowed to bring in extras (usually from home), and the table is full of sauce, honey, marmite, cocoa, jams, etc. ‘Axle grease’ (dripping) and occasionally honey is provided to put on bread.
The conversation continues until rudely interrupted by a hammering from the masters’ table. “Too much noise – cut it down or there’ll be no talking!” After that we can continue with our discussion.
About half way through the meal a wave of dishes sweeps down the table and engulfs the poor person packing up. When inedibles are provided, especially at dinner, his job is even harder – the scraps have to be scraped into a very large scrap bowl.
Conversation continues: “That new maid over there’s nice, isn’t she?” “Yes, but she won’t be here long!” At last the knocker goes again and the notices are read out. Then grace is said and there is a mad rush outside again. It’s surprising the number of boys who head straight to their lockers and start eating again.
Dinner is arranged slightly differently. When released from class you rush and get into a queue in the hope of getting some meat. After about 10 minutes you manage to obtain, if you are lucky, a small slice of meat. You pass on and plead for two baked spuds, usually obtaining one. After eating the edible part you sit back and wait for everyone else to get theirs.
Eventually the maids come round with the pudding which is usually dry rice, ‘toenail’ apple pie (full of chopped up pips), or bread pudding flavoured with large amounts of cheap spices. Occasionally we get a three inch square slab of pastry with jam inside, and on Sunday, luxury of luxuries, we sometimes get ice cream. A while ago we had a ‘rice strike’, when the whole dining room refused to eat it.
Although threatened with ‘curtailed privileges’, we kept up the hunger strike, and now get rice much less often.
For breakfast, lumpy porridge is the usual, but lately they’ve become lazy and give us Weetbix and hot milk. The usual second course is ‘hash’ or ‘snaler’ (sausage meat), and occasionally bacon – we used to get cold fried eggs with this but no longer do.
The staple diet is bread and milk. Sauce from home is spread lavishly on all food, from bread and butter to
curry (to disguise the true flavour).
Our behavour isn’t too bad, but you might wonder how the butter got on the ceiling. Sometimes there are dares, like putting your chair on the table and sitting on it! Table cloths are fortunately not provided, but I think that table napkins should be, to save the curtains from getting too dirty!
Meal time is the usual time for parents to ring up – hence the custom that when a boy plays his first game for the 1st XV, to his embarrassment he is called to the (supposed) telephone, and as he walks out, everyone claps. He soon reappears again!
The highlight of the year is the ‘banquet’, held at the end of the last term. The table is packed with good food, and toasts are drunk with soft drinks. The main objective seems to be to give the boys leaving a good impression of school meals!